Day 21
For The Women I Have Lost II
To the woman who I left without so much as an explanation
Who may have felt judged.
It wasn't anything personal.
To the woman who was going through the most
Doing her best to cope.
The problem wasn't you, just how much of myself I saw in you flaws.
You sell yourself short when you deserve it all.
Choose to be shady in situations when you don't need to be.
I know that it's deeply rooted in insecurity.
Lie to those who care about you because you don't know how they would respond to the real you.
I understand because this is a person I used to once be.
And there's never been any hate or contempt, not on my end.
I'm just really bad at explaining what I identify as complex emotions.
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.
I know you deserve more but I don't know how to talk about it.
I probably never will.
Staying with you, I was going to fall back into bad habits.
I knew if I stayed I'd fail to resist.
I know that it's so tempting to be secretive
In a way that can end up leaving you isolated.
I know sometimes it seems easier than letting people in.
Not letting them see the lengths of your self destruction.
However, you must deal as you wish, these are your lessons to learn.
That's not my business, not anymore.
& at this point there isn't much to say.
But that I'll always love you, now and always.
Just rather from a distance.
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