Disowned.

You were naked in my bed last night.
Managed to get you here, situation fucked up without a single fight.
You reached out for me in your sleep and pulled me closer.
But today we walked past each other though, like it wasn't a bother.
Maybe it wasn't, maybe I never was.
Maybe I was used, maybe you think "hey, this is just what she does".
Can you see my insides, I mean it's where you were so I figure that maybe you can see the feelings on the outside.
I guess those don't matter too.
That when it comes to me I'll be labelled as some girl you used to do.

I will not yell at you now because it'll look like I'm doing that because you made me moan your name.
I'm also not sure how to tell you about the peace you brought, the storms you managed to tame.
But I will not cry for you, again.
Because I was supposed to let go sooner, known how to yell when.
I'm trying to let you go, I swear to God I am
But I can't help but think about your tongue, how you kissed me like I was the beach and you were the sand.
I actually thought I was your ocean, maybe I'm vain.

I mean, my tongue did things to your body over and over
but now it's all over, was kinda worth it though, getting to be your Lacy Lover.
Maybe that's lame, that I wanted to be your dame
You're out of my life now & I have to act like it's nothing, it's quite a shame.
I loved you as my friend, lover & as a stranger.
All that was important for me is that in some way we could appropriately be together.
It ended and I think I should have left room for our friendship.
Look at us now, we treat each other like we ain't shit
Whatever you are, you're someone my soul craves.
Someone who looked my irrationality in the eye and said "stay still, behave!".
Meant what I said when I sent that piece about us being soulmates of sorts that winter day.
But I guess you don't agree because it seems natural to have you walk passed me without so much of a "hey".

I've never been good at opening up.
I tried for you but you left me too often that at some point my heart was simply nailed shut.
& I know you think, like every man before you, it was about the sex.
that I'm this demon, this monster who plundered, used then just left.
I'm trying to tell you that I meant what I said
that you brought peace, calm, love but unfortunately also dead babies to my bed.

I think the thing that cripples me most is that you let me go
That when I bared the bruises and scars you left you looked disgusted, like it's something I'm not supposed to show.
"You don't seem like you care, Lynn."
"Open up, Lynn."
So I did, & like a little bitch you disappeared & tried to act like it wasn't a sin.
I know you won't like that I said that.
But you have to know what it looked like, that yes, it really was that bad.
I don't want to paint you as the villain in my story.
But that's not who you are, not who you'll be to me.
My point is that I was disowned & I really wasn't ready.
If I'd known this would happen I'd have packed up my shit and let you be.
I write this piece with nothing but love, as I pick my heart up in your space and in the corner of your room, my shoe.
wish you nothing but the best and kiss you with an accepting adieu.