How To Survive

I learnt how to love my first lover without craving him

I am learning.

I learnt how to love my second lover without grieving him.

I am growing.

I learnt how to love my third lover without letting him in.

All this experience, all this knowing

Has me leaning on the border to insanity

Confused about what's meant & what was never meant to be

Haunted by flawed love because bad things come in threes.

Leaving and letting go are things I tend to prolong

I'm so caught up in my flaws and everything I possibly did wrong

Losing my direction I readjust so I can point to the true north

It's like carelessly falling in love is a skill I forgot

I'm constantly trying to readjust 

Trying to remanouver the fibers of my being so any lessons I've learnt won't be covered in dust

But how do you breathe, function or move

When you tell yourself that you've done this enough times for it to be a mistake that you constantly choose.

I swear this is the same soul in another body, I looked at him and I knew

This energy keeps recycling itself and I'm just trying to look for something new

I don't remember the last time I looked at a face and said

That I want to memorize it's details with the backdrop of the rising sun

I don't remember the last time a kiss lit up the corners my soul

That have long been hidden, filled with love and desire I thought was long gone.

I have to come to terms with the fact that the things inside me are just things I need to mourn.

Because what is left for me to give.

When I've lived a life of constantly wearing my heart on my sleeve.